Feeling Like a Co-Conspirator with Judas’ Betrayal of Jesus?
I’m not sure why the daily Gospel readings the past two days about Judas’ betrayal of Jesus bring a jolt to my system. Sometimes I feel more like a co-conspirator with Judas than being on Co-Mission with Christ.
I can’t help but take these accounts of Judas’ betrayal of Jesus personally. In our fallen human nature, we all have betrayed Jesus in one way or another. Even Peter denied knowing Jesus during the night of his trial. Not once, not twice, but three times!
These betrayals of friendship and trust with Jesus are personal for each and every one of us.
For me, when reading about Judas’ specific actions against Jesus, they seem like the ultimate betrayal, a huge punch in the gut. Broken trust and friendship hurt badly, even for Jesus!
Unlike Peter, Judas never shows any remorse for his sins or asks for forgiveness. He didn’t fully understand Jesus’ message of the Good News—that nothing we think, say or do is bigger than him.
His love and mercy for us, his beloveds, are freely given at any time and unconditional. We just need to repent of our sins and ask for forgiveness.
I wish it were that simple. In our humanness, we can make it so complicated.
I realize that when I choose sin or disobedience over Jesus’ will and commands for my life, I am acting exactly like Judas—and I don’t like that feeling at all!
Saying I feel like a “co-conspirator” may seem harsh. I mean it in the sense that I am associating or connecting my thoughts, feelings, and memories of those times in my life when I willingly chose to sin and turn away from Jesus to that of Judas.
While different, aren’t they really the same when it comes to betraying our trust and friendship with Jesus? In our disobedience to his will and way?
When I remember these acts of sin, I relive those moments that brought floods of guilt and sorrow into my heart, which are hard to shake. Did I really do that? What was I thinking?
Just like for Jesus, remembering these Judas-like moments can hurt in different ways and degrees.
They definitely hurt emotionally and psychologically, sometimes even physically when I remember the harm I caused to others or myself because of my actions…or inaction many times.
The jolt to my system about Judas’ betrayal of Jesus is the realization that while I crave to be a disciple with the heart of Christ that willingly chooses to follow his commands, sometimes I willingly choose the opposite, even though I know better.
When I continue to choose sin and disobedience over the will of God, it’s like I am chaining myself down to earth with heavy shackles binding me to sin and guilt.
While my spirit craves the divine love of Jesus and God’s promises of heaven, my human self has chosen earthly attractions and pleasures that move me farther away from the love, mercy, and forgiveness of Jesus.
Considering the notion of being a conspirator with Judas’ betrayal of Jesus, it is eye opening and actually necessary to understand just how much sin hurts Jesus, and ourselves.
I believe this heaviness is exactly what we are supposed to feel and experience during Lent when we walk through the 40 days in the desert alongside Jesus.
Look at the USCCB Sunday and Daily Mass Readings and Reflections during Lent. They are about Jesus’ public ministry—his awe-inspiring miracles, healing powers, and abundance of love given freely and unconditionally to all that desire it.
These Scriptures also speak of the doubt, unbelief, and times of confusion and despair felt by even his closest of followers, like Peter.
The road to discipleship with Jesus was not easy for them either, nor will it be for us.
This “Miraculous & Healing Jesus” that we first met along the Lenten journey now becomes the “Suffering Christ” during Holy Week as his Passion and Death on the Cross are revealed.
I think you’ll agree that witnessing this part of “His-story” is hard to bear.
If we are truly taking Jesus’ message to heart, it should be hard to witness, because the sin of those who crucified him points right back at us.
Reflecting on the Suffering Christ reminds me of Kathy Zerda’s blog on www.lovingstonesofchrist.org, “Do You Struggle with Having an Intimate Relationship with Jesus, too?”
Kathy is a Spiritual Director at our home parish, Prince of Peace Catholic Community, in Houston and is a “co-conspirator” with me in a good way.
Kathy and other wonderful folks at our parish are creating a new apostolate, LOVING STONES of CHRIST, which focuses on helping form apostles with the heart of Jesus that share the Good News and lead others back to him. Learn more about LOVING STONES of CHRIST.
The theme of Kathy’s blog is about how much Jesus loves each one of us; and how, through his Passion and suffering on the Cross, Jesus desires our mutual unconditional love in a very intimate and personal kind of way.
Kathy writes, “Intimacy in those terms suggests a mutual sharing, a baring of souls, the ultimate ‘safe space’. Intimacy is sacred. It is rare. It is a gift that we give to only a few, and we receive from only a few.”
Intimacy was precisely the sacred gift Jesus gave to Kathy in an extraordinary encounter during her prayer time recently. I hope you take a few moments to read Kathy’s blog about her experience of the “Gethsemane Jesus”..
Kathy shares how her direct witness of Jesus’ suffering impacted her prayer life in a very personal and profound way. It has given me much insight into my own prayer life, and I believe it can for you as well.
On Holy Thursday, LOVING STONES presented a new blog by another friend and “co-conspirator” with Christ, Amanda LeCompte, also with POP and a mother of 8 (almost 9!) children.
Amanda also had a beautiful encounter with the love of God through the Holy Thursday washing of feet by her children last year.
You can read it at, “Tapped-Out Mom Receives Holy Thursday Washing of Feet by Husband and 8 Kids”.
Then, next week, you’ll get a chance to read a blog written by our good friend and Spiritual Director, Lloyd Guerin, also a Prince of “Peacer” and LOVING STONE.
Lloyd shows us the glory of the Risen Christ that is awaiting us after this season of Lent passes.
His blog gives us a boost to kick off the Easter season with Scripture passages that demonstrate the human imperfection found in Jesus’ closest followers who didn’t recognize the Risen Christ at first. Once they did, it was a joyous moment to celebrate and write about in the Good Book!
Can I get a halleluiah and an amen, please? Easter is almost here!
Let’s finish out the rest of Holy Week strong as we celebrate and participate in the powerful rites of the Triduum.
May we remember our past sins and transgressions against him, ask for his divine love, mercy, and forgiveness, and sin no more.
Then our hearts, minds, and souls are aligned with Jesus so we can take on his Soul-Oriented Love as we celebrate our Risen Christ at Eastertide.
That is how we walk as LOVING STONES—instead of being “co-conspirators” with the likes of Judas, we become more like Christ’s apostles that share the Good News and bring others back to him however we are called each day.
“Tapped-Out Mom Receives Holy Thursday Washing of Feet by Husband and 8 Kids”
About Kerry McGuire:
An Okie from birth and cradle Catholic, Kerry McGuire was raised in Tulsa and now has a big Texas heart living in northwest Houston with her husband of 26 years and two teenage children. A 15-year member of Prince of Peace Catholic Community, she founded Catholic WE (Catholic Women Experience) and co-founded LOVING STONES, two lay apostolates focused on evangelization and discipleship. A communications strategist for a variety of business and non-profits with over 30 years of experience, and writes for the Texas Catholic Herald, the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston newspaper.
Favorite scripture: “We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.” (Rm 8:28)